my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I skipped work to stalk him.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
