Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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