it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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