hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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