I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
