I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
