he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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