Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
