he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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