just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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