You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
