I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
