Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize