Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize
