I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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