Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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