Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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