Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
