Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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