I can't watch pbs sober anymore
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
