it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
