Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
