I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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