If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
