i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
