i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
