I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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