That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
