I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
