God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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