at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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