Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
