I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
