you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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