**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
