We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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