shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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