I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
