Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
