I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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