Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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