I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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