I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
