Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
