I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
