As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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