No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
