peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize