I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
