I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Randomize
