Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
