then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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