he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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