it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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