let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
