when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
