he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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