she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
