Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
