Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
