i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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