One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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