Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i now understand why vodka
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
