You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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