you're like a bully in the Christmas story
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
