Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Sext me about skeletons
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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