you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
