got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
