I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
