The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
