FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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