your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
