I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
