Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
