Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
