shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think your dad took our porno
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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