I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
