well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
