the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
