After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
