I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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