My first STD was from a foam party
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
