Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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