making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
