I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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