i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
