oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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