you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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