u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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