you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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