She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
