Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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